Picking the scab

I'm back at work today after taking yesterday off. I was starting to get caught up from missing work, but then I got a call from the Dr.'s office.

The nurse called me to come in for another blood draw to see if my betas are dropping. If they aren't I'll probably have to take a pill or have a procedure called a D&C (dilation and curettage) in which they remove the contents from my uterus. I'd like to avoid that, so hopefully this draw will show my HCG level at zero.

Of course this all resulted in me becoming an emotional wreck. I left work to go to the Dr.'s office in tears, and I sat in the waiting room for nearly an hour watching all of these lucky pregnant women get called in for their ultrasounds. I'm sure it was extremely awkward for them too, seeing me silently crying in the corner of the waiting room.

I'm still bleeding, but not cramping. I think I'm lucky in that regard, as I've heard some horror stories about contractions and cramps while miscarrying.

Hopefully I won't have to go back to the Dr.'s office for this. I am running low on sanity, and I'm not sure how much more I can take.

My miscarriage

What a way to start my blog. I am miscarrying my baby. Or embryo. Or whatever you want to call it.

I found out I was pregnant earlier this month, and decided to create this blog to vent and spare my family and friends from hearing about every little thing that was happening during my pregnancy.

I found out earlier today that I am miscarrying my baby.

I started having light brown spotting last night. It continued to this morning. Then the blood got bright red. With clots. Now, every women who's ever been pregnant probably knows that bright red blood with clots is not a good sign for your pregnancy. I called my Dr.'s office and got an emergency appointment to see what was going on. The prognosis: not good. The HCG level in my blood was too low for where I was supposed to be in my pregnancy, and the Dr. said that I was having a miscarriage.

I feel numb. I spent 2 weeks pregnant, and I am so sad to say that I am not pregnant anymore. I have no baby. I am empty. I expect to see the tissue from my baby embryo on my pad soon. This feeling sucks, and I do not wish it on anyone.

I'm spending tonight drinking wine and wallowing. Tomorrow I will try to move on.